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The Fascinating 

Fanny Brown 





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The Fascinating: 
Fanny Brown 

A Farce in Two Acts 



BY 

HELEN F. BAGG 

Author of "WHY NOT JIM?" "WHISKERS, 
"THAT BLONDE PERSON," etc. 




PHILADELPHIA 

THE PENN PUBLISHING COMPANY 

I9I2 



i 



.^1 



:&\^' 



Copyright 1912 by The Penn Publishing Company 



The Fascinating Fanny Brown. 

TMP92-008606 
©CID 31684 



The Fascinating Fanny Brown 



CHARACTERS 

Percival Gale . who keeps a summer hotel, ^^Idlewildy 

Billy Pearson the only man at the hotel. 

Henry Dudley a college sopho?nore. 

Mrs. Caldwell, 
Audrey Caldwell, 
Dorothy Dudley, 
Florence Howe. 

Mrs. Moffett a neighboring cottager. 

Martha • a servant. 

Scene. — The living-room of Percival's summer hotel, 
'•Idlevvild." 

Time of Playing. — One hour and a half. 



guests at ^^Idlewild.^* 



STORY OF THE PLAY 

Percival and Billy are wooing Dorothy Dudley and Flor- 
ence Howe. To make Dorothy jealous Billy writes love 
letters to a pretended "Fanny Brown." Dorothy accepts 
Billy, but discovers his plot, and plans to punish him. 
When her brother Henry arrives unexpectedly she dresses 
him as a girl, and introduces him as *' Fanny Brown." 
Billy and Percival are worried. A nervous guest, Mrs. 
Moffelt, thinks Henry is a traveling hypnotist who has an- 
noyed her. Billy and Audrey discover who Henry really 
is, and tie him up, insisting he is the hypnotist. After a 
ftmny scene of a dog fight under pretended hypnotic in- 
fluence Henry is released, and the girls forgive their lovers. 



COSTUMES AND CHARACTERISTICS 

Percival and Billy. About twenty-five. Act I, while 
flannel trousers and summer shirts. Act II, evening dress, 
or blue coats, white trousers, and pumps. 

Henry. About twenty-one. On first entrance wears blue 
serge suit, rather dusty about bottom of trousers, low shoes, 
also dusty, straw hat, and carries two suit-cases. Dressed 
afterward as a girl, in light summer dress, white shoes and 
stockings, blond wig, large white hat. At end of Act II 
resumes serge suit. The part should be played by a light- 
haired man, if possible. 

Mrs. Caldwell. A motherly, middle-aged woman. 
Wears light summer dress. At last appearance, Act II, wears 
kimono, and has hair in curlers. 

Audrey. About seventeen. In Act I wears ''middy 
blouse" and blue skirt. In Act II, first entrance, wears 
white evening dress; at second entrance, bath robe and 
slippers. 

Dorothy and Florence. Pretty girls in their early 
twenties. They wear light summer dresses in Act I, and 
evening dress in Act II. In last part of Act II Florence 
wears kimono. 

Mrs. Moffett. A young married woman, rather nervous 
in manner. At entrance, Act I, wears summer dress, covered 
with long tan coat, and hat with streaming veil. At first 
entrance, Act II, wears evening dress. At last entrance, Act 
II, wears kimono and a neat litde boudoir cap. 

Martha. A heavy-looking country girl, dressed simply. 
At last entrance, Act II, wears a long coat. 



PROPERTIES 

For Mrs. Caldwell : Magazine, pair of folded trousers. 

For Dorothy : Sewing materials, packet of letters, hand- 
kerciiief. 

For Florence : Embroidery, handkerchief, leather writ- 
ing case. 

For Audrey : Chafing-dish containing fudge, plate, 
spoon, suit-case, pins, lighted candle. 

For Mrs. Moffett : Bunch of letters, newspapers, suit- 
case, dinner-bell, poker. 

For Martha : Pitcher. 

For Billy : Cigarettes, matches, book, cushions. 

For Henry : Two suit-cases, dollar bill, handkerchief, 
cigarette. 

For Percival : Two hand-bags, packages, lamp. 



SCENE PLOT 

INTERIOR BACKING 



OOOR 




SCENE.— The living-room at ''Idlewild." A wide 
doorway with portieres, up c; door r., to verandah ; door 
l., to bedroom. Sofa, chair, and pile of cushions down R. 
Table and chairs dovvn l. Desk and chair up L. Other 
chairs as indicated. Lamp, newspapers, and magazines on 
table. All furniture light and <' summery." Portieres 
have cords, easily removed. 



The Fascinating Fanny Brown 



ACT I 

SCENE. — The living-room of a small summer resort hotel, 
^' Idlewild,'" which is managed ^^y Percival Gale. At 
C. a wide doorway ivith portieres, leadi?ig into a corridor. 
At R. a door leading to the verandah. At L. a door lead- 
ing to a bedroom. A table littered with newspapers and 
magazines doivn L., a?id several easy-chairs scattered about 
the room. A sofa at r. 

{As the curtain rises, four ladies are seated in the room. 
Mrs. Caldwell is seated in an easy-chair reading aloud 
from a magazine. Dorothy Dudley and Florence 
Howe are sewing ; Dorothy seated on a pile of cushions 
at R., Florence 07i the sofa. Audrey Caldwell is 
cooking ^^ fudge'' on a chafing-dish at the table.) 

Mrs. C. {reading). ** Richard drew his knife and braced 
himself for the onslaught. On came the furious Russian, 
with murder in his eyes." To be continued in the August 
number. {She puts down the magazine.) 

Ff.ORENCE. Oh ! How disgusting ! And we shan't know 
for a whole month whether he's killed or not ! 

Audrey {scornfully). AVell, I guess they're not going 
to kill him off in August when the story has to run till 
December ! What I want to know is whether Clara is 
going to marry him or not. She's the worst flirt I ever met, 
except Dorothy Dudley. 

Mrs. C. {reprovins^ly). Audrey, don't be rude. 

Dorothy {serenely). Oh, she isn't hurting my feelings, 
Mrs. Caldwell. I know I'm a flirt. 

Florence. You can't help it, can you, dear? 

Dorothy. Of course I can ; I do it from a sense of 
duty. 

Mrs. C. a sense of duty ! 

Dorothy. Of course. Every tentji girl ought to be a 

7 



8 THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN 

desperate flirt. It's the only way to get even with the male 
sex for the way they play fast and loose with the hearts of 
the other nine. Incidentally, I rather like doing it. 

Mrs. C. Well, for ideas, give me the young woman of 
to-day ! 

Audrey. I think I'll be a tenth girl, too. I never 
thought of it in that way before. 

Mrs. C. You'll do nothing of the sort. You'll go back 
to your boarding-school next month and try to get out of 
your head some of the nonsense this summer lias put into it. 
That's what you'll do. 

Audrey {jneekly). Yes, mother. {To Dorothy.) I 
don't think that you picked out a very good place to work 
out your theories in. A summer resort with only one man ! 

Florence. Two men. Mr. Gale certainly deserves to 
be mentioned, even if he does run the hotel. 

Audrey. Oh, well, he's no good for Dorothy; he never 
looks at anybody but you. 

Mrs. C. Audrey ! 

Audrey. Well, he doesn't. He makes me tired. If it 
wasn't for Billy Pearson 

Dorothy. I had to come here or stay in the city all 
summer. Henry's college exj)enses liave been so heavy this 
year that father said he simply couldn't afford a more ex- 
pensive place. However, I'm having a very nice summer. 

Florence. And you've nearly driven poor Billy Pearson 
out of his head. Every time the boys from town come out 
liere for a dance he nearly has a fit, he's so jealous. 

Mrs. C. {jumping up). Mercy, I forgot that 1 promised 
Mr. Gale to show Martha how to make the punch for the 
dance to-night ! I must go right away and find her. 

Audrey {poitrin^ the candy out on a plate, putting spoon 
in her fnouth). Tell her not to be so tight with the cherries, 
mf)ther dear. She put in only seven last time. (Exit 
Mrs. C., at c. Audrey carries the plate out at door r. 
and returns.) Why, here comes Mrs. Moffett. She must 
have been to Pemberton. She has the mail. 

Dorothy. Oh ! 
{She scrarnh/e^ to her feet. Florence puts dnvn her work. 

Mrs. Moffett enters r., carrying the mqiL The three 

girls all run to her.) 

All Three. Oh, did I get anything? 



THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN 9 

Mrs. M. {ciiwipiii^ everything on the table), I don't 
know. Help yourselves. 

{TJicy all rummage wildly, each finding something for her- 
self. Mrs. M. sinks into a chair and fans herself with 
a neivspaper.) 

Dorothy {glancing through her letter). Oh, girls, what 
do you think ? My brother Henry's coming ! 

Audrey. ) ,,., ^ 

Florence. | ^^'^<=" ' 

Dorothy. Either to-day or to-morrow. Oh, wouldn't 
it be splendid if he'd come in time for the dance to-night? 

Audrey. How old is he ? 

Dorothy. Twenty-one. 

Audrey (with a sigh). Glorious ! 

Dorothy. 1 must see Mr. Gale right away and secure 
that room for him. {Nods to door l. Starts to go.) 

Mrs. M. I was thinking of asking for that room myself. 

Florence. You? What's the matter with the cottage? 

Mrs. M. {inysterionsly). Girls, I don't dare stay in the 
cottage. I've had a horrid adventure. I've just been tell- 
ing Mr. Pearson about it. 

Girls. Oh, Mrs. Moffett, what do you mean? 

Mrs. M. Have you heard what happened yesterday at 
Pemberton ? 

Dorothy ) , , . , . , ^ ^t 

Florence [ ^^^'''^'^'^'K closer to her). No. 

Audrey. I didn't know anything ever happened in 
Pemberton. 

Mrs. M. Listen. You know they've got a circus over 
there? One of these little one-horse, dog and pony affairs, 
in a tent ? 

Girls. Yes, yes, go on ! 

Mrs. M. Well, they've got a man traveling with them, 
a Professor Lyon, he's called, who's a hypnotist. I didn't 
see him, but they say he does the most dreadful things — 
goes into trances and 

Audrey. Hypnotists don't go into trances. They put 
other people into 'em. 

Mrs. M. Well, this one does— and he did the most 
awful things to some of the people in Pemberton. Made 
them think they were cats and dogs, and all sorts of things 
that make your flesh creep. You know Charlie Baxter ? 



10 THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN 

Girls. Yes. 

Mks. M. Well, he hypnotized Charlie and made him 
think he was a yellow cat — and Charlie went and sat all night 
under the minister's window and howled, and the minister 
thought he was too, and threw a hair-brush at him and hit 
Charlie in the eye — and Charlie's mind was all made up to 
join the church, and now he says he won't, and it's all that 
miserable professor. {She pauses for breath.^ 

Girls. Oh ! 

Mrs. M. Well, yesterday he disappeared — the professor, 
I mean, and no one knows where he is. They think he 
went into a trance and wandered off. The circus man is 
wild about it. Now, I'm coming to my part of it. 

Girls. Yes, yes, do go on. 

Mrs. M. Well, you know Wilbur always sends me a five- 
pound box of candy when he doesn't come up for the week 
end — and of course I knew that wretched express company 
wouldn't deliver it, so I hired old Bob and the buggy and 
drove over to Pemberton after it. 1 got it, and stopped to 
do some errands at the store; that's where I met Mrs. Bax- 
ter, and heard all about the professor. Then I drove out 
by way of the lane. You know what a lonely sort of a place 
that lane is ? 

Girls. Yes. 

Mrs. M. Well, I was thinking about the professor and 
Charlie and the hair-brush, and how awful it was to have a 
man like that roaming around loose, and I was just wonder- 
ing if I oughtn't to go back and telegraph Wilbur to come 
at once, when a man started up in front of me with a suit- 
case and asked the way to Idlewild. 

Girls. Oh, what was he like? 

Mrs. M. Like? He was like that dreadful professor! 
I knew at once who he was. The moment he fixed those 
eyes on me I knew he was trying to hypnotize either old 
Bob or me, I didn't know which. I didn't answer his 
question ; I just stared at him, and kept saying over and 
over, ** We won't be influenced — we won't be influenced." 
That's the way you do, you know, when you don't want 
to be. 

Audrey. AVhat did he say ? 

Mrs. M. Well, he looked sort of surprised. He hadn't 
expected to find me on my guard, you see, so he mumbled 
something about wanting to get to Idlewild and not having 



THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN II 

been able to hire a rig, but I didn't stop to hear any more. 
1 just whipped up old Bob and left him there. 

Florence. What wonderful presence of mind you have, 
Mrs. Moffelt. 

Mrs. M. So Wilbur says, but, of course, one has to 
think quickly in emergencies like that. 

DoROTHV. Weren't you awfully scared? 

Mrs. M. Scared ? My dear, my flesh crawled when 
that man looked at me. You've no idea what it feels like to 
be looked at by a psychic person ! I made up my mind that 
I would move to the hotel to-night and stay there till Wilbur 
comes or that wretch is found. I thought maybe one of 
you girls would go home with me while 1 packed a suit- 
case. 

Audrey {jinnpin^ dowji). I will. 

Mrs. M. {rising). I can feel those eyes on me still. 
Do you know, I believe there's something psychic about me. 
I had the queerest feeling all the way home, a sort of sleepy, 
stretchy feeling {she stretches out her fingers as a cat does 
her claws, and draws them in again), and when I tied Bob 
to the tree out there I had the strangest desire to climb it ! 

Dorothy. Oh, Mrs. Moffett ! 

Mrs. M. I did. I see that I'm going to have to work 
very hard to throw off his influence ; but thank goodness, 
I've got more strength of mind than Charlie Baxter. You 
won't catch me sitting outside of people's windows getting 
hit with hair-brushes. Come along, Audrey, I'll bring you 
back in time for dinner. 

Audrey. Tell mother where I've gone. 

{Exeunt Mrs. M. ajid Audrey, r.) 

Florence. Do you suppose it was the professor? 

Dorothy {putting her arm around her). Well, if he 
wasn't, the man must be wondering whether Idlewild is a 
Home for the Insane. Come on, let's go up-stairs and fin- 
ish our letters before the boys come in. I hear Billy Pear- 
son's whistle. 

(Dorothy and Ff.orence stroll off, arfn in arm, at c. 
Wilis tlitig heard off stage.) 

{Enter Billy Pearson and Percival, r. Percival goes 
to the table, sits, and begins sorting the fnail, Billy 
looks around in so?ne disappointment.) 



12 THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN 

Billy. I thought I heard the girls' voices. Must have 
gone upstairs to dress for dinner. 

{He lights a cigarette and sits R.) 

Percival {Intent 07i the mall). Probably. 

Billy. Say, Percy, do you really think it was the hyp- 
notist fellow that Mrs. M. saw ? 

Percival. Can't say. An inquisitive woman with an 
active imagination is likely to see almost anything. 

Billy. Be rather good fun, wouldn't it, if he should turn 
up around here to-night? We might get a little excitement 
out of him. 

Percival {who has arranged the scattered mall Into sev- 
eral neat little piles, and who now rises). You might. 
You're not responsible for the hotel. 

Billy. Business before pleasure, eh ? 

Percival {crossing to him). Exactly. By the way, how 
are you coming on with Miss Dudley ? Going to announce 
that engagement pretty soon ? 

Billy {gloomily). Hanged if I know ! One day she's 
so pleasant that 1 begin to dope out a letter to Dad to tell 
him I'm going to marry the prettiest girl in New York. The 
next day she's so frosty that 1 make up my mind to drop the 
wliole business and hike for home. What's a chap going to 
do with a girl like that? 

Percival. In olden days he would have kidnapped her. 
Of course, nowadays one has to consider the police. 

Billy. Oh, of course, if you're going to guy me 

Percival. Pm not. Pm trying to help you. How is 
that little suggestion of mine working? 

Billy. Fanny Brown? Oh, I've worked Fanny Brown 
to a finish. 

Percival. Didn't do any good ? 

Billy. Well, once or twice I thought she seemed a bit 
put out. 

Percival. You're making her jealous, my boy. Depend 
upon it, that's the only way to handle a flirt. You must 
rave ahout Fanny Brown, adore Fanny Brown, make her 
think there isn't a girl in the country like Fanny Brown. 

Bii.r.Y. That's the trouble, there isn't a girl in the coun- 
try like Fanny Brown, and I know it. 1 can't go on raving 
forever about an imaginary girl. Already Pve forgotten 



THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN I3 

what color I said her hair was, and where I said she Hved. 
I'm sick of Fanny Brown. 

Percival. That's gratitude ! Here I take the trouble, 
busy as I am, to hatch up a scheme to give you a fighting 
chance witli a girl you're madly in love with ; invent a 
woman out of whole cloth so that you can flirt with her in 
perfect safety, even take the trouble to see that Miss Dudley 
finds the letters you wrote to Fanny 

Billy. Hold on. By the way, what have you done with 
those letters? 

Percival. Put 'em in the desk drawer over there. You 
didn't think I was going to mail them, did you ? 

Billy. Well, I didn't think you would; but you can 
never tell what a person with a vivid imagination like yours 
is going to do. 1 think I'd better tear 'em up, as long as 
Dorothy's seen 'em. 

(Staris toward desk l. Percival stops him.) 

Percival. Don't be a fool, Bill ; of course they're all 
right. Look here, I've got an idea. 

Billy. Well, if it's another Fanny Brown, I don't want 
it. I'm going to make a clean breast of the whole thing to 
Dorothy to-night, and ask her to marry me. 

Percival. You young idiot, she'll never forgive you. 
Ask her to marry you, if you like, but don't tell her that you 
have been trying to trick her with an imaginary woman, or 
she'll never speak to you again. 

Billy. I don't see why. It's no worse than the way 
she's treated me. 

Percival. Of course it isn't, but you'll never make her 
look at it that way. She's one of the wickedest little flirts 
in New York state, but you needn't think you'll ever force 
her to admit it. I know women. 

Billy. Real ones, or the Fanny Brown kind? 

Percival. Of course, if you 

(Dorothy's voice is heard outside.) 

Dorothy. Yes, Mrs. Caldwell, I'll bring your mail up 
to you. 

Billy {ju7npins^ tip). Gosh ! Here she comes. Would 
yon do it now, or 

Percival {coolly). I don't think I care to meddle with 



14 THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN 

your affairs any more. You'll have to use your own judg- 
ment. 

Billy {ytiildly). Hang it, Percy, don't go back on me 
like that ! I didn't mean 

(Zr<f tries to detain Percival, who shakes him off.) 

Percival {ironically). Oh, there's nothing I can do. I 
don't understand situations like this, you know. Manage 
your own affairs. 

Billy. But would you ask her now, or wait till 

Percival. But before I go, I want to tell you that Miss 
Howe and I are engaged to be married. We're going to 
announce it to-night at the dance. 

Billy {aghasty! You? Well, I'll be 

Percival. Oh, I hope not, old man ! 

Billy. Did you talk to Florence Howe about Fanny 
Brown ? 

Percival (rather embarrassed). Well — I — I mentioned 
her once or twice, just to stimulate an interest. Well, good- 
bye, old top, good luck to you. I'll be around after a while 
to drop a tear if she refuses you. (Starts to go,) 

Billy (angrily). Good-bye. 

Percival (coming back). If she accepts you, you might 
whistle. 

Billy (stiffly). Yes, I might. 

(Exit Percival, r. Billy starts to go to the iable,ivhen 
Dorothy enters at c.) 

DOROTHV (pausing). Oh, I thought Mr. Gale was here. 

Billy. He was. He's just gone outside. Shall I call 
him ? 

Dorothy (coining down to table). Oh, it's not impor- 
tant. I can see him later. I wanted to ask him about get- 
ting that room for my brother. 

Billy. Henry coming down ? 

Dorothy. Yes, I've just had a letter from him. He'll 
be here either to-night or to-morrow. 

Billy. Perhaps he'll come out with the fellows in time 
for the dance. 

Dorothy. I hope so! (Looks over the mail.) Oh, 
here's something for Mrs. Caldwell. (Moves atvay.) 

Billy. Don't go ! 



THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN 1 5 

Dorothy. But I must. I have to dress for dinner. 

Billy. No, you don't. You look perfectly stunning 
now. Don't go. I want to say something to you. 

Dorothy (^glanciu^ nervously at the door^ r). Hadn't 
you better wait till this evening ? 

Billy. Can't, Too late. I want to ask you to save a 
few of your dances for me. Last time, you know, you 
danced with those other chaps all evening and just once 
with me. 

Dorothy {rather provoked'^). Did I ? Well, why should 
I dance more than once with you ? 

Billy. Why shouldn't you? 

Dorothy {szveetly). Well, to be quite truthful, I never 
have cared much for dancing with engaged men. 

(J\Ioves up stage. ^ 

Billy (in horror'). Engaged men ! What in thunder 
do you mean ? Now come back here and explain yourself. 

Dorothy. I don't have to explain myself. 

Billy. Any woman who makes remarks detrimental to 
my character has to explain herself. 

Dorothy (coining down). Of course, if you consider it 
detrimental to your character to be engaged, that's another 
thing. Most people don't. 

Billy. Look here, Dorothy, let me tell you 

Dorothy. Oh, you needn't tell me if you don't want to. 
You've a perfect right to keep it to yourself. Doesn't she 
want it announced ? 

Billy {choking with rage). She ? 

Dorothy. Yes. Miss Brown ? 

Billy (bursting i?ito laughter). Miss Brown ? You 
didn't think I cared for her? 

Dorothy (coolly). Well, I've never thought much about 
it. It doesn't particularly interest me. 

Billy, But I want it to interest you. I want you to 
know that I don't care a hang for that girl in Omaha, or 
she for me. 

Dorothy. Omaha? You said she lived in Council 
Bluffs. 

Billy (nervously). Did I? Well, she does, but she 
teaches school in Omaha, so it's the same thing. She's a 
hard working girl, and I admire her tremendously, but I'm 
not in the least in love with her. I 



l6 THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN , 

Dorothy. It's odd you should write her so many letters. 
Mr. Gale said you wrote her nearly every day. 

Billy (aside). Hang Gale! (To her.) Why, why — 
you see — why, the truth of it is, I did write her a good 
many letters, but it was all on Gale's account. You see 
he's gone on Fanny Brown. 

Dorothy. What ! 

Billy. Regularly mushy. Used to get me to write his 
letters to her because he thought 1 had more style than he did. 

Dorothy. Style ! In love letters ? 

Billy. Sure. There's a style in love letters as well as 
in anything else. At least so they say. I don't know any- 
thing about 'em myself, I never was in love before. 

Dorothy. Do you really mean to tell me that Percival 
Gale likes this — this Brown girl ? 

Billy. Of course. She's a very fine girl. Whyshouldn't 
he? 

Dorothy. We all thought — at least, I mean, I thought 
he liked Florence. 

Billy (alanned). Hold on, he does. He told me he 
did. 

Dorothy (indignantly). What is he, a Mormon? Oh, 
you men make me tired ! 

Billy. He — why — he — why, the fact is — oh, hang 
Percival. I didn't come here to talk to you about other 
people's love affairs. I came to ask you to marry me. 
Will you, Dorothy ? If you had any idea how much 1 
loved you, you'd marry me out of pity. It's positively 
brutal not to. 

Dorothy (taken a little aback). I — why 

Billy (coming closer to her). Come on, say you will. 
You've no idea how splendidly suited we are to each other. 
I've been considering it all summer. 

Dorothy. You are perfectly sure you don't care for that 
— that other girl ? 

Billy (putting his arm around her). If I was half as 
sure of getting to heaven as I'm sure of that, I'd begin to 
have my coats let out for wings. 

Dorothy. Then I will. 

(He kisses her.) 

Bilt,y. Gosh ! I can't believe it ! I didn't dream you 
cared for me. 



THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN I7 

Dorothy. Well, to tell the truth, Billy dear, I didn't 
either, till Percival Gale told me about that girl. Then I 
reahzed that 1 couldn't let anybody else have you. 

Billy. Of course not. It takes a jolt now and then to 
make us realize things, doesn't it? 

Dorothy. Yes. And Billy, dear 

Billy. Yes, honey ? 

Dorothy. Do you know, if I were you I wouldn't be so 
friendly with Percival Gale. I don't think his influence is 
good for you. 

Billy.' What? 

Dorothy. No, I don't. I think he's unprincipled. 

Billy. Oh, no, not as bad as that. 

Dorothy. Yes, he is. Do you know, he tried to show 
me a letter that you had written to that — that Brown girl 
and had given him to mail. He wanted me to read it. 
What do you think of him, now? 

Billy {coughing in a wild attempt not to laugJi). Oh, 
you must make allowances for Percy. Keeping a summer 
hotel is a terribly demoralizing sort of business, you know. 
He's — he's an awfully good chap, take hnii all in all. 

Dorothy. 1 don't believe it. I want you to promise me 
not to have anything more to do with him. 

Billy. Of course ; but I'll have to do it by degrees, 
you know. It would look queer to break with him all at 
once. Wouldn't it ? 

Dorothy. Well, maybe. But I don't like him. Now 
I must take Mrs. Caldwell her mail, or she'll be coming 
down for it. Good-bye. 

Billy {holding her hand). How about those dances ? 
Will you dance with an engaged man, now? 

Dorothy {breaking azvay and goifig up c). Silly ! I'll 
see. 

{Exit, c. Billy watches her go. Then breaks into a wi'd 
and furious burst of whistling. Percival appears r.) 

Percival. You don't mean to say she's accepted you ? 

Billy. That's what. 

Percival {slapping Billy on the shoulder'). Bully for 
you, old chap ! Congratulations ! She's a charming girl. 
{The portieres at c. part slightly and Dorothy's head ap- 
pears. She has heard the whistle and come back to see what 
it is all about.) 1 didn't think she'd take you. 



l8 THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN 

Billy. Neither did I. I don't know what she sees in 
me, I'm sure. (Dokothy sjniles mischievously — starts to 
go.) It's all your Fanny Brown business. 

(Dorothy's /tj^tTd' changes. She decides to listen.') 

Percival. You didn't tell her ? 

Billy. No. I meant to, but I was scared. I couldn't 
tell her that we'd invented a girl just to make her jealous. 
No fellow could say a thing like that to the girl he — he 
loved. 

Percival. No, of course not. What did you say ? 

Billy. Well, 1 just gave her to understand, in a vague 
sort of a way, that you were the one who was interested in 
Fanny Brown. 

Vev<c\nal {in horror). I? 

(Dorothy drops the portieres.) 

Billy. Yes. That I was writing to her on your account, 
don't you know. 

Percival (aghast). On my account ! 

Billy. Yes. And I guess I'd better tear up those letters 
before 1 forget them. 

{Moves toward desk. Percival stops him,) 

Percival. No, you don't, my son ! 

Billy. What's the matter ? 

Percival. I suppose you never stopped to think what 
Florence Howe will do when Miss Dudley tells her all this 
stuff you've been inventing? 

Billy. Gosh, I forgot all about you and Florence. 

Percival. Yes, you seem to have forgotten everybody 
but yourself in this business. Those letters are all the 
evidence Pve got to show that I'm not the guilty party in 
this business, so I'll just look after them myself. Lucky I 
made you write real letters instead of just addressing envel- 
opes as you wanted to. 

Billy {bitterly). You seem to think you've planned 
things very neatly. 1 think you've made a hash of things, 
myself. 

{Enter Dorothy quickly at c.) 

Dorothy. AVhat in the world are you boys arguing 
about ? 1 could hear you from up-stairs. 



THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN I9 

(^They turn in consternation.) 

Billy. Why, we were — we — he was congratulating me 
on our engagement. Weren't you, Percy? 

Percival. Yes, he was telling me how 

Billy (jiervously). I was tehing how surprised I was 
that you would have me, don't you know, how 

Peucival. And I was just as surprised, too, you see 

Dorothy {eyins^ them both cahnly). I see. 

Billy. Say, Percy, hadn't we better get busy moving 
those tables out of the way, for the dance, you know ? 

Percival. Yes, that's a good idea. 

Billy. We'll be back in a few minutes. 

Dorothy. Oh, don't hurry. I'm going up-stairs to 
dress. I only wanted to ask Mr. Gale if 1 might have 
that room for my brother who is coming to-night or to- 
morrow. 

Percival. Certainly, Miss Dudley, delighted to have 
your brother with us. Come on. Bill. '^ 

{^Exeunt both at r. Dorothy matches them go, then turns 
angrily and stamps her foot.) 

Dorothy. Oh ! that's your Fanny Brown ! And to 
think that I believed it all. — Oh, what an idiot Fve been ! 
But I'll show Mr. William Pearson a thing or two — and that 

other wretch, too! I'll make him sorry for this, I'll • 

{She pauses, knits her brow in perplexity ; then, with a 
hasty glance around, goes to the desk, opens the draiver and 
snatches a small packet of letters, then closes the drawer, 
and holds the letters up triutnphantiy.) I'll make them both 
pay for this ! They'll get all they want of their precious 
Fanny Brown before I get through with them. I must find 
Florence at once ! 

{She goes off c. Billy appears at r. , peeping in cautiously. 
Seeing the room empty, he enters, goes swiftly to the desk, 
opens the drawer, searches madly a moment, then turns 
witfi a horrified face as Percival enters also at R. ) 

Percival. What's the matter ? 

Billy. What's the matter? They're gone, that's what's 
the matter ! 



20 THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN 

Percival. What! The letters? Impossible! 

Billy. Well, look for yourself. (Perciwal goes ^o ^es^.) 
Somebody's swiped 'em. 

Percival. Nonsense ! There's no one in this house 
who would do a thing like that. Don't be a fool, Bill. 

Billy. Then where are they ? You said you put them 
there. If nobody's taken them where are they? 

Percival. Somebody's mailed them. 

Billy (/';/ Jiorror). Mailed them ! 

Percival. They were stamped, weren't they? 

Billy. Oh, yes, they were stamped. You said they 
wouldn't look natural unless they were stamped, so I stamped 
'em. Next lime 1 feel like taking your advice about any- 
thing, I'll 

Percival. Hold on, Billy, don't be an idiot. What dif- 
ference does it make if they have been mailed ? 

Billy {agliast). What difference does it make? Sup- 
pose they go to Fanny Brown, Omaha, Nebraska ? 

Percival. But there isn't any Fanny Brown, Omaha, 
Nebraska. 

Billy {savagely). How do you know there isn't? 
There's probably twenty of 'em. One of 'em's probably got 
the letters right now. We don't know when they were 
mailed. Or maybe the letters are scattered around to all the 
Fanny Browns, and I'll have the whole bunch of 'em suing 
me for breach of promise. Oh, you're a lovely one to go 
to for advice, you are. 

Percival {trying to pacify him'). But they can't, Billy; 
you didn't give your address. 

Billy. Oh, no, I only wrote on your blamed hotel sta- 
tionery, that's all. I tell you, Percy, you've got to get me 
out of this. D'you hear? {He runs his hands tlirough his 
hair excitedly.) You've got to help me get those letters; 
you've got to 

Percival {soothingly). Of course, of course ; don't get 
so wild over it. I'll find the boy who takes the mail, and 
you go and 'phone to the post-office in Pemberton and see if 
anybody remembers sending them. 

Billy. They're so likely to ! 

Percival. Oh, they might — a bunch like that, all ad- 
dressed to the same girl. There isn't a woman in Pember- 
ton, postmistress or not, who wouldn't notice that. Cheer 
up, we'll pull through this yet. Come on. 



THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN 21 

(Pulls Billy /// stage.) 

Billy {gloomily). Yes, a fine show we've got to pull 
through ! Fine ! 

(^Exeunt both at c. ) 

(^Enter Henry Dudley ^/r., carryifigtwo suit-cases, 7vhich 
he drops ivith a sigh of relief. He sinks into a chair Just 
as Dorothy enters c.) 

Henry (^jumping up). Hullo, sis ! 

Dorothy {running to him). Oh, Henry, I saw you from 
my window. I'm so glad you've come ! (They kiss each 
other.) But what's the matter? You're all dust. 

Henry. Yes, I walked over. 

Dorothy. Walked over ! But it's four miles. Why 
didn't you drive ? 

Henry {sitting doivn again and mopping his forehead). 
Couldn't get a rig. The hotel 'bus had gone, and every- 
thing in town was engaged. Saturday night, you know, so 
1 walked. 

Dorothy. You poor boy ! 

Henry. I met a young lady driving a buggy in this 
direction, and asked her the way. Thought she might offer 
me a lift, but nothing doing. 1 guess she was nuts or some- 
thing. She took one look at me and whipped up the horse. 
First time I ever was taken for a tramp by a good-looking 
woman. What's the matter ? 

Dorothy {7vith a gig^^lc). Nothing. I guess she was 
*'nuts," as you call it. How did the dramatics go off? 

Henry. Fine! I made a hit. Dressed up as a girl ; 
Charley's Aunt sort of business, don't you know? It was 
corking ! I've got the duds in there. {Points to one suit- 
case.) I'll rig up in 'em some day and show you. 

Dorothy {solejnnly). Henry, I believe heaven has 
sent you to this place ! 

Henry (disgustedly). Don't you believe it. I'm here 
because Dad wouldn't come across with the cash for that 
camping trip in the Yellowstone. It's a shame, too, the 
whole bunch are going, and 

Dorothy (excitedly). You are here to help your sister 
out of the worst scrape she was ever in. 

Henry. What have you been doing? I thought I han- 
dled the scrape department for th^ family. 



22 THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN • 

Dorothy. I — I — I've been getting engaged. 

Henry. Is that all? You've been doing that every 
summer since you were sixteen. 

Dorothy. Oh, but this is serious ! I — he — well, we 
care awfully for each other. 

Henry. Well, what's the matter, then? Who is he? 

Dorothy. Who is he ? Why, it's Billy Pearson, of 
course. Who else could it be? 

Henry. Well, you said something in one of your letters 
about this Gale chap 

Dorothy {hot/y). Percival Gale? I hate him ! He's 
a wretch ! just wait till I tell you what he's done. 

Henry. Well, fire away. 

Dorothy. You see, when Billy began to be in love with 
me, this miserable Gale man made Billy believe that if he 
could make me jealous of somebody, he would have a better 
chance, see? 

Henry. I see. 

Dorothy. Well, between them the idiots invented a girl 
named Fanny Brown, and Billy wrote letters to her every 
day, and they hid them in that drawer. {^Points to desk.) 
Well, it did make me jealous, and when Billy proposed, I 
suppose I did snap him up a little quicker than I would have 
otherwise, don't you know, to save him from her clutches. 
Then he tried to make me think that it was Mr. Gale who 
was in love with her. 

Henrv. Naturally. 

Dorothy. Then I heard them talking about it after- 
ward, the wretches, and it made me perfectly furious. I 
made up ray mind to give them the biggest scare they ever 
had in their lives, and you've got to help me. 

Henry {risijig). Me? 

Dorothy. Yes. I've stood by you lots of times, now 
you've got to stand by me. I'm going to make those men 
suffer ! Maybe I'll forgive Billy when he's suffered enough, 
but I'll always hate Percival Gale. And maybe Florence 
won't attend to his case. I've told her he's mixed up with 
this Fanny Brown, and she's furious. 

Henry (^patting her shoulder). Good for you ! I like 
your pluck. What shall we do? 

Dorothy. Well, I've got their old letters. They're the 
silliest, softest things 3'ou ever read. If Billy Pearson ever 
dares to write such sliiff fo me I'll — I'll get a divorce. 



THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN 



23 



Henry {eagerly). Lemme see 'em. 

Dorothy. Not now, we haven't time. Listen. — Those 
letters have been mailed to Omaha, Nebraska, and Fanny 
Brown has come to visit Idlewild. You are Fanny Brown. 

Henry. What ! 

Dorothy. Now don't make a fuss. You've got the things 
there, and you made a hit in the part. You can play for a 
few hours — for a day, maybe 

Henry. What ! Spend a whole day in those 

Dorothy. Of course. Now, don't be horrid. 

Henry {grasping his waist with both hands'). But they 
squeeze like thunder. They're the down in front kind. 
It'll kill me. 

Dorothy. Nonsense. I'll let 'em out. For my sake ! 

Henry, And the shoes are a crime. I've nearly ruined 
two perfectly good feet with 'em already. 

Dorothy. I'll pay your doctor's bills and I'll — I'll coax 
Dad to let you go to tlie Yellowstone next month. 

Henry. But 

Dorothy. You promised. Come on. 

Henry {seizing the other suit- case). Oh, all right. Gee, 
I'm sorry for Billy. 

Dorothy {grimly). And I'm sorry for Mr. Percival 
Gale. {Exit Henry into bedroom, l. Dorothy does not 
go in.) Hurry up ; I'll be there in a minute to help you. 

{She shuts the door and turns to cross stage, zvhen Billy 
enters hurriedly at c, not seeing her.) 

Billy. That confounded post-office is closed for the 
day ! 

Dorothy {excitedly). Oh, Billy, is that you? Where 
is Mr. Gale ? 

Billy. I thought he was here. 

Dorothy. You must find him for me. What do you 
think? 

Billy {wildly). I can't think. There's something the 
matter with my head. 

Dorothy {excitedly). There's a new girl arrived ; just 
a few minutes ago. I couldn't find Mr. Gale, so I told her 
she could have that room that we were saving for Henry. 
Now, I must find Mr. Gale and tell him to get Henry a room 
at one of the cottages. 

Billy. Sure. That's easy. Is she in there now ? 



24 THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN 

(JSoutid of whistling fro?n bedroom. Dorothy becomes 

nervous.') 

Dorothy. Yes, yes, she 



Billy. Seems to have a cheerful disposition. 

Dorothy. Oh, she's a lovely girl; 1 know you'll like her. 
But do run and find Mr. Gale for me, dear; I can't have 
Henry arriving and not finding a room saved for him. 

{There is a sound from the bedroofn, follotved by a groafi. 
The noise is suggestion of so?ne o?ie who is trying to 
stamp a foot into a shoe too small for him, and the groan 
is deep and painful.') 

Billy {aghast). 1 say, what's the matter with her? 
Got a fit ? 

Dorothy {pushing him up stage). Nothing; she's just 
tired out. Do go and find Mr. Gale. 

Billy. Oh, all right. Don't forget those dances. 

{Exit, c.) 

Dorothy. Oh, what wretches men are ! Even the nice 
ones. {Runs as Wknry puts his head out.) 

Henry. Say, get me some hot water, will you ? I've 
got to shave. 

Dorothy. Yes, yes, do be careful ; he may come. 
{Enter Martha at r., carrying pitcher. Henry dives 
back into the bedroo?n. Dorothy turns and stops her as 
she is crossing to c.) Oh, Martha, do let me have that 
hot water. 

Martha. I can't. I'm takin' it to Mrs. Caldwell. 

Dorothy. You must. I've got to have it. It's — it's 
something very important. 

Martha. I can't. She'd be awful mad. She give me 
fifty cents to go to the circus yesterday. 

Dorothy. Oh, she won't mind. I'll make it all right 
with her. I must have that hot water. {Takes it from 
Martha, who is too amazed to resist.) Wait a minute. 
{Runs to door and knocks. Henry opens it cautiously, so 
that Martha does not see him ; puts out a hand for the hot 
tvater.) Give me a dollar, quick ! 

Henry {from within). A dollar ! For a shave? 

Dorothy. Hush ! Give it to me, quick ! {He hands 
it to her and bangs the door ; she runs to Martha and puts 



THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN 2$ 

the money in her hand.') Now, you can go to the circus two 
more times. 

Martha. Thank you, ma'am. Oh, it's the finest circus 
I ever see ! They had a man there who done the queerest 
things ! A hypnotizing man he was, and he 

Dorothy. Yes, yes, he must have been lovely, but I 
hear somebody coming down-stairs. You'd better run; it 
may be Mrs. Caldwell. 

Martha. Oh, my, won't she be mad when she don't 
get that hot water? 

{Exit Martha, ^/ r.) 

Henry {from bedroom). I say, sis, they won't 

Dorothy {running to bedroom). Hush ! 

{Exit Dorothy into bedroom just as Mrs. C. enters at c, 
followed by FLORtiNCE, 7aho has a handkerchief in her 
hand J and has evidently been crying.) 

Mrs. C. That girl Martha is getting more careless every 
day ! Here it is nearly six o'clock, and she hasn't brought 
my hot water ! 

{There is a groan from the bedroom^ and Dorothy's voice 
is heard.) 

Dorothy. Oh, nonsense ! I can hook it. Here ! 

Mrs. C. Bless me. I didn't know that room was occu- 
pied. Florence, why doesn't Audrey come back? 

Florence {listlessly). I don't know. 

Mrs. C. {looking r.). Oh, here she comes now with 
Mrs. Moffett. Why, they're moving all her baggage over 
here. 

{Enter r. Mrs. M. and Audrey, staggering under the 
weight of tu'J suit-cases, while Percival, ivith two hand- 
bags and several packages, brings up the rear. Mrs. M. 
sinks into chair up r., while Percival and Audrey lean 
against the wall, y^., fanning themselves.) 

Mrs. M. I want a room on the second floor, do you 
understand ? I won't be alone and unprotected with that 
awful professor in the neighborhood. Though what good 
second floors are against a man who can imagine himself a 



26 THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN • 

monkey and climb up the porch, I'm sure 1 don't know! 
Oh, why did 1 let Wilbur go away ? 

Florence. Don't worry about him any more. You 
can't depend on any man. 

(Percival comes to back of sofa and leans over Florence 
reproacffiilly. ) 

Percival {in low voice^. Florence, you're not angry at 
me, are you ? {He comes around and sits on sofa. Mrs. C, 
AuDREV, a)id Mrs. M. talk together up c. Florence turns 
her back on Percival.) Florence, what's the matter? 

{He tries to take her hand?) 

Florence {in a low, tense to7ie). Don't touch me ! 

Percival {worried^. Why, what's the matter ? 

Florence {turning on him, bitterly^. I know all about 
yon and your Fanny Brown. I hate you. 

Percival. Fanny Brown ! Some one has been telling 
you what isn't true. Florence, I give you my word that 
there isn't any such person as Fanny Brown. 

Florence. Oh ! 

{Enter Billy, c. He pauses to speak to Audrey, up c.) 

Percival {to Florence). I tell you it was all a stupid 
joke. {Sees Billy.) Here, I can prove it by Billy. Come 
here a moment, Billy. (Percival rises. Billy comes 
doivn R.) Billy, some one's been worrying Miss Howe 
with stories about Miss Fanny Brown. I've told her there 
isn't any such person — that it's all a joke. Isn't that so? 

Billy. That's right, and a mighty bad joke, if you ask 
me. There never was any Fanny Brown. 

Florence. Oh, if I could believe 

{Enter Dorothy, l.) 

Dorothy. Oh, there you are. I've such a lovely sur- 
prise for you, Mr. Gale. And you too, Billy. {They stare 
at her in amazement.') An old friend of yours arrived a 
little while ago. {The door of the bedroom, L., ope7is, and 
Henry enters, dressed as a girl. Every one stares in 
astonishment. Dorothy puts her arm around Henry and 
draivs hitn forward, down r.) Let me present Miss Fanny 
Brown, of Omaha, Nebraska. 

Percival. Suffering cats ! 



THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN 27 

(^He sinks on to sofa. Billy sinks back gasping against 
ivally R. Florence gives Pekcival one scornful look, 
and rises, carefully drawing her skirts aivay from him.) 

Mrs. M. ") 

Mrs. C. [-So pleased to meet you, Miss Brown. 

Audrey, j 

(Henry grins cheerfully at Billy.) 



CURTAIN 



ACT II 

SCENE. — The same as in Act /, except that the lights 
are lit. Time : about ifiidiiight of the same day. Music 
can be heard from the room where the dancing is going 
on. As curtain rises, Percival and Billy are seen ; 
Percival, seated at the table l., his head in his Jiands, 
Billy, on sofa r., Iji an attitude of utter discouragemejit. 

Billy {with a glance at his watch, and a jerk of his 
head toward the dancing roo7ns). Twelve o'clock! How 
much longer are they going to keep that business up ? 

Percival {wearily). They usually stop about twelve- 
thirty. Why don't you go in and try a round or two? 

Billy {with scorn'). Yes, why don't I ? Dorothy won't 
look at me, and I've danced with that Brown girl till my 
feet feel as though they'd been run over by a street car. 

Percival. She's as light on her feet as a young ele- 
phant. 

Billy. Where's Florence ? 

Percival. In her room. She hasn't come out of it since 
that infernal girl called me " Dear old Percy ! " Say, Bill, 
who do you suppose mailed those letters? 

Billy. Well, if you don't know, I don't know anybody 
else who does. 

Percival {to him). Look here, I'm about tired of being 
accused of this thing. I'm not an idiot. I tell you I put 
those letters in that drawer, the day you wrote 'em, and I 
haven't seen 'em since. 

Bii,LY. Then they probably got up and walked to the 
post-office and asked to be mailed. Anyhow, they were 
mailed. She's got 'em with her. She showed 'em to me 
to-night, with the tender passages marked ! Bah ! 

Percival. I say, Bill, what does she mean by saying 
that she's known us both for years ? I swear I never laid 
eyes on her before. 

Billy {wearily). She says she met us both at the 
Harvard Prom last year and that she fell in love with me 
at first sight. 

Percival. Rot ! 
28 



THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN 29 

Billy. Well, I'm only telling you what she says. She 
says she never dreamed that 1 returned her love till my 
" dear letters " came. So there you are. 1 met about fifty 
girls that night, maybe I did meet her — who knows ? 

Percival {savage/y). Well, 1 never saw her before. I'd 
know that girl anywhere ; she's got the wickedest eye I ever 
saw in a woman. Do you know what I think? 

Billy. No, and 1 don't want to. I've had enough of 
your thoughts. 

Percival (^darkly). All right. When she begins pro- 
ceedings you may wish you'd listened to me. 

Billy. Proceedings ? What do you mean ? 

Percival. I mean that she's an adventuress. She'll 
sue you for breach of promise, sure as a gun's iron. 

Billy {rising). What ! 

Percival. It's done every day. Read the papers. 
She 

Billy (ivildly). Let her try ! Just let her try ! 
I'll 

Percival. Hush ! {^Enter Florence at c. in evening 
dress. She pays no attention to either of the men, but goes 
to the desk L. and sits. She is carrying a leather writing 
case, and witliont looking at either of them, begins to write 
a letter. They stand there in some embarrassment. Finally 
Percival goes up to her. Billy stays where he is and 
lights a cigarette, throwing the match savagely into the 
corner.) Ahem ! (Florence writes busily.) I don't 
want to interrupt you, but 

Florence. You are interrupting me. 

Percival (^s^esturing to BiLr.v to go away. Billy glares 
at him, and picks up a book from sofa). I wanted to say 
something to you. 

Florence. I'm sorry, but this letter must go by the 
morning's mail. {^Continues to write.) 

Percival {ivith a wrathful glance at Billy, who is deep 
in the book). Is — is that why you wouldn't come down to 
the dance ? 

Florence. That is one reason. 

Percival {leaning over her). Won't you tell me some 
of the others ? 

Florence {ivriting harder than ever). No, I will not. 

Percival {drawing hack). Oh, of course, if you 

{There is a smothered cluickle from behind Billy's book. 



30 THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN 

Percival glares at him?) You seem to have found some- 
thing amusing. 

Billy. Yes. It's a legal book. I'm looking up some 
information on the subject you were talking to me about — 
breach of promise, you know ! 

(Percival stares at him in horror. Florence, with a 
stony expression, shuts her' portfolio with a slam and 
rises.) 

Percival. I say, Florence 



{Enter Mrs. C. at c.) 

Florence {to Percival). Miss Howe, if you please. 

Mrs. C. Dear me, how those young people can stand 
dancing in that hot room, 1 don't see. 1 must have a breath 
of fresh air. Florence, aren't you dancing? 

Florence. No, I'm going out on the veranda with you. 

Mrs. C. Very well, come along, I'm suffocating ! 

{Exit at R. Florence starts to follow, but Percival stops 

her.) 

Percival {pleadingly). If you'll only let me explain 

Florence {melting a bit). If you 

{Just at this moment Henry, his goivn badly torn around 
the bottom, runs in at c. Florence stiffens instantly. 
^\\A.Y Jumps up.) 

Henry. The big fat brute ! He stepped on my dress 
and tore half a yard off! I'd like to break his head. Oh, 
hello, Billy ! 

Billy. Hello ! I've got this dance with Mrs. Moffett. 

{Bolts out of door r.) 

Henry {staring after hifn). What a whopper ! He's 
got it with me. I'll show you on the program. But I 
don't care. I'd lots rather sit it out with you, Percy. Do 
you remember 

Florence {ieily). If you will let me pass, Mr. Gale, I 
should like to go out on the veranda. 

( ^;\:// Florence, r.) 

Henry {sweetly). Unless you'd rather dance, Percy? 



THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN 3I 

Percival {crossly), I don't want to dance. I hate 
dancing. 

Henry ( sitting dowji in afi easy chair at r. as Percival 
tramps uneasily up and down). That's not the way you 
talked the night of the prom ! 

Percival {savagely). Oh, forget it ! 

Henry. Why, Percy, never ! I had a heavenly time at 
the prom. Don't you remember walking in the moonlight, 
under the beautiful trees, you and I 

Percival. I never walk in the moonlight. It gives me 
neuralgia. 

Henry (sentimentally). You said it gave you something 
else that night. You said 

Percival {irritably). Probably I did. It gives me the 
earache, sometimes. 

Henry. You said it gave you the heartache. That it 
was too beautiful to last. 

Percival. Well, it didn't last, did it ? {He sits down 
by the table in exasperation. Henry takes out a handker- 
chief and bursts into tears. Vercivp^l jumps.) Oh, 1 say, 
don't, please. I — I didn't mean anything, I assure you, 
I 

Henry. You're a heartless brute ! 

Percival. I know I am ! I always was. I can't help 
it. Confound it, they'll hear you all over the house ! 

(^He tries to console Henry, who weeps louder every 
minute.) 

Henry. To break a helpless girl's heart with your wicked 

flirting ! But I'll get even ! I'll have satisfaction, I'll 

Oh ! 

{By this time Percival is wildly fanning Henry ivith a 
handkerchief while Henry weeps harder all the time.) 

{Enter Audrey at c.) 

Audrey {in amazement). Goodness gracious, what has 
happened ? 

Percival {iv rath fully). There, I told you somebody'd 
hear you ! 

Audrey {cojui/i^ down). Oh, what is the matter, dear? 

Henry {who has taken a good look at X\5drey fro7n be- 



32 



THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN 



hind a corner of his handkerciiief). A fresh guy stepped 
OD my dress and tore it. 

Audrey {with a glance at Percival). Oh, is that all ? 
I thought something unusual had happened. I'll fix it for 
you. 

(Percival crosses to l. Audrey comes down. She takes 
some pins from her dress and starts to pin up the rip.') 

Henry [sentimentally'). Men are such brutes ! They 
have such short memories ! 

Audrey (^jabbing in pins as she kneels beside liini). And 
such big feet ! 

(Henry tucks his feet under his chair quickly. Audrey 
looks at him suspiciously.) 

Henry. Don't go away, Percy ! The next is our dance. 
Percival (jvrat/fully, going up c). 1 shall never dance 
again. Never ! 

(^Enter Mrs. M, «//^ Dorothy, both in evening dress, ate. 
Percival turns, comes doivn, tJirows himself into chair 
by the table in disgust. Mrs. M. is gesticulating wildly 
to Dorothy.) 

Audrey. There, you're all right again. 

Henry {looking doivn at the top of her head with an ad- 
miring eye, and patting it patronizingly). You're an aw- 
fully nice little girl. 

(Zr<f rises and turns toward the others. Audrey, highly 
indignant, sinks back on the floor, glaring at him.) 

Audrey. Nice little girl, indeed ! If I'm not more of 
a young lady than you are 

Mrs. M. I tell you, my Susan saw him come into this 
house. 

Audrey {rising). Who? The hypnotizing man ? 

Mrs. M. Yes, the brute. 

Henry {aside). The lady who took me for a tramp ! 

(Crosses to Percivat,, perches on the table, 7vith his back to 
Mrs. M., and pats Percival's head affectionately. Per- 
CiVALy>/7^j- Ins c/iair away from the table in irritation.) 

Dorothy. But she must have been mistaken. 



THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN 33 

Mrs. M. Susan is never mistaken. She said she saw a 
man, just the dreadful looking sort of man 1 described to 
you, Dorothy, enter this house, before dinner. He evi- 
dently followed me here. 

Henry {brushing Percival's hair with 07ie finger'). 
Well, he's here, and you're here, so what's the matter ? 

V¥.\\ciY M. {Jerking his head away). He's not here. I'll 
bet my hat. 

Mrs. M. Well, I refuse to go to bed until I know. I 
should think the least you could do, Mr. Gale, would be to 
search the house. 

Percival. Certainly, search all you please. 

{Enter Mrs. C, Florence «//^ Billy at r.) 

Mrs. C. Search the house ? For what ? 

Mrs. M. For tlie professor. He's hidden in this house 
somewhere. Susan saw him. He's only waiting for the 
shades of night to fall to murder us all. 

Henry {clutching Percival). Oh ! Percy ! 

Mrs. M. Why did 1 let Wilbur go away? 

Percival {ivrenching himself away from Henry). I 
don't know, but you'll never do it again if I can help it. 

{Crosses to Florence, wlio turns away from him.) 

Dorothy. But I know he isn't here. He 

{She stops in confusion.) 

Audrey. I heard of a tramp once who hid in the pantry 
till the family were all in bed, and then cut every one of 
their throats with a razor, and 

Mrs. M. Oh ! Oh ! Oh ! 

Mrs. C. I insist, Mr. Gale, that this house be searched 
before any of us retire. 

Billy. We'll begin upstairs. Come on, Percy. 

Audrey. FU go in here. He may be under the bed. 

{Exit into bedroom, followed by Mrs. C.) 

Percival. Somebody go and tell the musicians to play 
*<Home, Sweet Home," or we'll never get ridof those idiots 
from town. 

Mrs. M. {ivith a hurried glance toivard bedroom). FUgo: 

{Exit, c.) 



34 



THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN 



Henry {to Billy). I say, what'll you do to the chap if 
you calch him ? 

Billy (^coldly). Tie him up for the night and hand him 
over Lo the authorities in the morning. 

Henry {with a gdsp). 0\\ ! How clever of you ! 

(^He nudges Dorothy.) 

Dorothy. Hush ! 

Percival. Now, Billy, you and Miss Dudley and Miss 
Brown can search up-stairs, and Fior — Miss Howe and 1 
will ransack the premises down here. Who ever sees him 
first, whistle. {He goes toward Yi.ory.^cr.) 

Florence (coldly). Thank you. I'm not interested in 
the affair at all. I'm going to bed. 

( Crosses tip stage. Just at this moment there is an exchwia- 
tion from the bedroom. Florence stops, Henry and 
Dorothy glance at each other in consternation, the men 
start to go into bedroom, 7vhen Mrs. C. and Audrey 
emerge, the former carrying a pair of blue serge trousers. 
Mrs. M., entering ate, at the same 7noment, utters a 
cry. Henry gives a groati, the others stand paralyzed.) 

Mrs. M. The very clothes he had on when I saw him ! 
Now, will you deny that he's hidden. here? 

Billy. Well, if he is, he'd better stay hidden, I should 
think. 

Mrs. C. {dropping the trousers). Mr. Pearson ! 

Dorothy. That's all very well, but what's the use of 
finding trousers? Where's the man? 

Percival {with determination). He's not far away. 
Evidently the poor chap isn't right in his mind. 

Mrs. M. a lunatic \ 

Henry {with another gasp). Oil ! 

Percival. If the poor fellow is out of his head, it's only 
common humanity to find him and send him back to his 
friends. Now, if you ladies will go to bed, Pearson and I 
will keep our eyes open, and if he goes to prowling about, 
we'll find him. There's no cause for alarm. 

Mrs. C. That's a very sensible idea. Come, Audrey. 

{Exeunt Mrs. C. ^«^ Audrey, c.) 
Mrs. M. {taking the dinner bell, a huge one, from under 



THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN 35 

her dress aud putting it on the table). If you get liim ring 
this, and we'll all couie down and help. Couie on, Florence. 

Florence (//^^Z/^///^^). You'd better be careful. He- 
he may be armed. 

Percival {coolly). Thank you. 

Florence. Good-night. 

(Folloivs Mrs. M. slowly out at c. Percival gazes after 
her while Henry and Dorothy are whispering.) 

Henry {to Dorothy). You've got to get me my trou- 
sers ! I tell you I won't sleep in a house without my trou- 
sers. Suppose there's a fire? 

Dorothy {soothingly). I'll step down and get them for 
you when they're alf gone. {Then louder, for the others.) 
Good-night, Fanny dear. 

Henry. Good-night. (/« a whisper.) If you forget, 
I'll give up the whole game ! {To the boys.) Good-night, 
boys ! 

Percival {gruffly). Good-night. (Billy crosses to r., 
lights a cigarette. Henry goes into bedroom L. Dorothy 
runs off at c. Percival stoops, picks up the trousers, and 
han<rs them over a chair.) Anyhow, that's no way to treat 
a good pair of trousers, if they do belong to a professor of 
hypnotism ! 

Billy. Professor of hypnotism be blowed ! That's noth- 
ing but a sample of Angela Moffett's nonsense. There's no 
professor of hypnotism on this place. 

Percival. Then how do you account for those ? 

{Points to trousers.) 

Billy. Your precious Fanny Brown. 

Percival. What do you mean ? 

Billy {coming to him). I tell you that girl's an adven- 
turess. She got those letters and made up her mind to make 
a good thing of it. It's my impression that she belongs to 
a gang of some sort, and that she's going to let 'em in here 
to-night to burglarize the place. 

Percival {alarmed). But she — the trousers ? 

Billy. She's probably planning to make a quick get away 
in men's clothes. I tell you I watched her when those trou- 
sers were found, and she looked sick ! She's got a hand in 
this business somewhere. 



36 THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN 

Percival. I never thought of that. Maybe I'd better 
find John and tell him to keep his eye on the house from the 
outside. 

Billy. Maybe you had. 

Percival. I'll go at once. 

{Exit, R.) 

Billy {inakvolently). And maybe you'll have had 
enough of inventing females for me to write love letters to 
after this ! Well, anyhow, slie's safe enough in there now. 
I guess I'll take a turn outside myself and smoke. This 
business is getting on my nerves. 

(^Exit, R.) 

(Enter Dorothy, cautiously, at c. She. makes a sudden 
grab for the trousers, and then runs to bedroom.) 

Dorothy (/// a loud whisper). Henry ! 
(Door opens and Henry's head appears, without the wig.) 

Henry. Have you got them ? 

Dorothy {handing them to him). Yes. What are you 
going to do with them? 

Henry (savagely). Do with 'em? I'm going to put 
'em on ! 

Dorothy. But you mustn't! You can't go back on 
me. Now, you 

Henry. 1 can't stand this game any longer for any- 
body. ] haven't had a square breath for six hours, and my 
feet feel as though they'd been put through a meat grinder. 
1 tell you 

Dorothy. Oh, please, Henry. It's working beautifully. 
Don't spoil it. Now, do be reasonable! 

Henry. 1 won't be reasonable. Here I've been danc- 
ing my head off all evening with those two wooden heads, 
to please you, and you ask me to be reasonable ! I've had 
enough of Billy Pearson ; I don't care whether he gets into 
the family or not. He's a mess. I want to put on my 
trousers and have a smoke and be introduced to some of 
the good-looking girls on the place, and I'm going to ! 

Dorothy {angrily). Henry Dudley, if you dare do 
such a thing, I'll— I'll tell father that you were arrested for 



THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN 37 

speeding again last month and that the fifty dollars you told 
him was for books went to pay the fine ! So there ! 

Henry. Oh, I say, sis 

Dorothy. Yes, I will ! 1 (^Euter Billy, whis- 

tlins;. Henry shuts the door. Dorothy turns, sees that 
escape is impossible and faces Billy. In some einbarrass- 
ment.) I — 1 came down to get a glass of water. 

Billy {politely). Let me get it for you. 

Dorothy. Thanks. I had it— in there. 

(Points to Henry's room.) 

Billy. Oh! {Pause.) I'm exceedingly obliged for those 
dances. 

Dorothy {seriously). I was sorry not to give them to 
you, Billy, but you know it wouldn't have been fair. 

Billy. Fair ! 

Dorothy [very seriously). Yes, to her. 

{Points to bedroom.) 

Billy {wrathfully). Confound her ! 

Dorothy. Don't try to put the blame on her shoulders ! 
I didn't think that of you, Billy. 

Billy {furiously). What the deuce do you mean? 

Dorothy {severely). I have always thought that the 
most cowardly thing a man could do was to win an inno- 
cent girl's affections by his wicked arts, and then desert her 
when he found some one he liked better ! 

Billy (/;/ horror). Are you crazy, or am I? 

Dorothy {putting her handkerchief to her eyes). I wish 
I could explain your conduct that way ! Unfortunytely, 
that broken-hearted child has confided in me, and 1 

{A sound of cheerful 7u hist ling from bedroom.) 

Billy {sneeringly). Sounds broken-hearted, don't she? 

Dorothy. That's her pride. Every woman has some 
pride. 

Billy {fiercely). I tell you, I never said a word to that 
girl to make her think that I 

Dorothy. Oh, I know what you said to her. The same 
thing every man says; and then is angry because the poor 
girl remembers it after he's forgotten. 



38 THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN 

BirxY {angrily). Look here, Dorothy ! For two cents 
I'd lell you the truth about that girl. She 

Dorothy {retreating, her hands over her ears). I don't 
want to hear it ! 

Billy. 1 tell you, she's an impostor ! She 

DoKOTHY. I decline to hear another word on the sub- 
ject. Mr. Pearson, 1 am more disappointed in you than I 
can possibly tell you. Good -night. 

{Goes tip stage. Billy starts after her.) 

Billy. Oh, I say, wait a minute ! 

{Enter Percival, a/ r.) 

Dorothy. Not another word ! 

(Exit at c. Billy turns to face Percival. They look at 
each other in discouragement.) 

Billy. Well, it's a nice mess we've made of this affair ! 

Percival. Beautiful ! 

Billy. I suppose we may as well make ourselves com- 
fortable? 

Pekcival {turning the lamp down a little). Help your- 
self. Don't expect to sleep, myself. 

(Billy takes soine cushio?is, throws them on the floor and 
stretches out on them. Percival curls up on the sofa.) 

Bilt,y. I say, Percy, do you {He is interrupted 

by a snore from Percival.) Well, I give up ! If he can 
sleep, with that blamed girl on his conscience, it's more 
than I can ! 

{He arranges his cushions more easily and begins to snore 
himself. The curtains ate. are parted a ?id A\3T)V.¥,\, in 
slippers and bathrobe, a lighted candle in her hand, comes 
in. She glances at the two 7nen in disdain.) 

Audrey. And they call this protecting the women ! 
Ahem 1 

{Both men jump up.) 

Percival. Who's that ? 

AuoKKV {uu-ca Stic ally). |t's only I. |'m sprry tP have 
di^luibed your sluuibers. 



THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN 



39 



Billy. We weren't asleep. We were meditating upon 
the affair. 

Audrey. Oh ! Well, I've made a discovery, and I 
came down to tell you. 

Both. A discovery ? What ? 

Audrey {mysteriously). Come here. (They come toward 
her ; she stands between them speaking very mysteriously.) 
When I went up to my room, it was awfully hot, and 1 
threw open my window and leaned out. You know my 
room is right over that one. {Points to bedroom.) 

Both. Yes, yes ! 

Audrey. What do you suppose I saw ? 

Percival. The professor ? 

Audrey. I saw a lighted cigarette ; somebody was lean- 
ing out of that window, smoi<ing ! 

Billy. I told you that girl was an adventuress ! 

Audrey {scornfully). Girl ! That's no girl ! 

Both. What ? 

Audrey. 1 suspected it when I heard her language; I 
was sure of it when I saw her feet; but 1 knew it when 
1 smelled that smoke ! 

Percival. But who the deuce is he ? 

Audrey. There's something very familiar about his 
eyes. If I could see him without that wig 

Billy {jumping and giving a sudden whistle). Eyes ! 
You're right. Why didn't 1 think of it before ? Of course 
it is ! They had the sophomore dramatics night before last, 
an 1 he had a girl's part ! Whoopee ! 

Percival. Well, any time you get ready ! 

Audrey. What in the world are you talking about? 

Billy {dramatically). Turn down the lights some more ! 
Oh, this is the richest yet ! 

Audrey (/// a resigned tone). I think he's crazy, but 
you might as well humor him. 

(Percival turns the la??ip a little loiver.) 

Billy. Now, come closer! {They crowd up to him.) 
That chap in there is Henry Dudley ! 

Audrey. ) „., , 

Pe.cval. [ ^^'^« ' 

Billy, Nobody else. Dorothy has put him up to this 
to get even with me for the Fanny Brown business. She's 
got those letters. 



40 THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN 

Pekcival. Well, I'll be darned ! 

Audrey {mystified). What letters ? 

Billy. Tliere's no time to explain. You do as I say, 
and we'll make both of 'em sick over this. 

Percival. Won't we, though ? 

Audrey. You mean that Henry Dudley has been mak- 
ing us all think he was a girl ? 

Billy. Exactly. It never dawned on me till you said 
that about his eyes. He's got Dorothy's eyes. I haven't 
seen him but once or twice, but I know him all right. 
(Percival makes a bolt for the bedr 00771 door. Billy grabs 
hi/7i.) What are you going to do ? 

Percival [savagely). I'm going to lick that kid within 
an inch of his life. 

Billy. Hold on 

Audrey {grabbi?ig hi77i). Oh, he may be a lady ! 

Percival (/// disgust). He may be a pussy cat ! Let 
me go ! I'll 

Billy. Hold on, I've got a better idea than that ! If 
you two will play up when 1 say the word 

Audrey. Hush ! She's coming out ! 

(They crouch behind the table as Henry comes out dressed 
in his own clothes, puffing a cigarette.) 

Henry. If I had to keep those things on another minute 
— I'd commit suicide ! 

Billy (/;/ a hoarse whisper). Now ! Get him down ! 

(He and Percival jtanp on Henry a7id bear him to the 
ground doivn R. Audrey ri7igs the bell wildly.) 

Henry. Here ! Drop that ! I say, that'll do ! W1io 
are you, anyhow ? 

Audrey {tearing the cord frotn her bathrobe). Here 1 
Tie him with this ! 

Percival {taking cord). Now, my fine young man, 
we'll attend to your case ! 

Audrey {spitefully). I'm a nice little girl, am I ? Oh, 
you villain ! 

Billy {grabbing another cord from portieres). Now, 
professor, we'll just let you sit in this comfortable chair, 
tied safely, because we don't want to lose you, and 

{They put Henry /// the chair down r., tying hi7n to it.) 



THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN 4I 

Henry. Professor ! I'm no professor, I tell you. I'm 
Henry Dudley. 1 

(^Enter Mrs. C, Mrs. M., Florence ajid Dorothy at c, 
in great excitement. They are all in kiinoiios, except 
Dorothy, wlw is still in her evening dress. Mrs. C.'s 
hair is in curlers. Mrs. M. wears a neat Utile boudoir 
cap and clutches a poker. Dorothy runs to Henry.) 

Billy. Oh, yes, we hear you, but we know better. 
Henry Dudley doesn't arrive till to-morrow ! 

Mrs. M. Oh ! He's the very man I met in the lane. 
The hypnotist ! Oh, why did I let Wilbur go ! 

{She sinks into a chair up L. Mus. C. tries to calm her.) 

Henry. I tell you I'm not a hypnotist; I'm Henry 
Dudley, and it was all a joke. 

Billy. It'll be a very sad joke for you, my man, when 
the authorities get hold of you. 

Dorothy {down c). How dare you? I tell you he is 
my brother. Untie that rope this minute ! 

Mrs. M. No, it isn't safe ! I protest against that villain 
being set free. 

Dorothy. Billy Pearson, do as I say 1 

Henry. And be quick about it. This infernal cord is 
giving me a cramp. 

Billy {down l., to the others'). Isn't it awful? I 
wouldn't have supposed he could gain control over her so 
easily. I thought she had such a strong mind. It only 
shows how dangerous the fellow is. 

Dorothy {indignantly). What do you mean ? 

Billy {crossing to c, A?/^/V/^ Dorothy's hand soothingly). 
There, you'll be all right in a little while. Don't look at 
him : try to exert your will power. 

Henry. Is anybody going to cut this rope, or are you 
all crazy? 

Dorothy. How dare you treat my brother like that ? 

Billy, You must try to realize that you only imagine 
him to be Henry. It's his deadly power that's holding you. 
You must try to fight it off for my sake. 

Dorothy {furiously). Oh, I could clioke you, Billy 
Pearson I 

Henry [kicking wildly). I will clioke him if some- 
body'U cut this confounded rope I 



42 THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN 

Percival. Here, quit that, none of your circus tricks 
around here. I'll whistle to John to fetch the constable. 

( Goes up R. and calls.) 

Mrs. C. {to Mrs. M.). Are you quite sure this is the 
man, my dear? He's very harmless looking. 

Mrs. M. Oh, yes, he tried to stop me in the lane when 
I was coming home. He 

{There is a sudden scream from Audrey, who runs dozvn 
c. and drops to tlie floor in a crouching attitude. Percival 
comes down L.) 

Audrey. I won't be a dog I I won't 1 Pm a girl I 
I — 

Mrs. C. {rushing to her). My child I 
Billy. Another 1 I was afraid of it. 
Henry {savagely). You'd better be afraid. 

(Dorothy tries to get hold of the rope, but Billy keeps her 
away. She is furiously angry.) 

Audrey {dozan on all fours, shaking her head furiously). 
Bow — bow — bow wow 1 

{She runs around, giving an imitation of a fussy small dog. 
Mrs. C. swings her harids wildly.) 

Dorothy. Billy Pearson, if you don't stop this business 
histantly 1 shall send for the police myself. 
Billy. My dear girl, what can /do? 

(Percival suddenly drops down on all fours and with a 
vicious snarl rushes at Audrey. Mrs. C. screams.) 

Florence {luildly). Percival I Percival ! 

(She is answered by a terrible groivl, as Fercival jumps 
at Audrey.) 

BiTXY. Great Scott ! A dog fight 1 {//e rushes at them 
to separate thevi : Doroihy seizes the opportunity to free 
Henry, ivho jumps to his feet ; Billy springs away from 
tJie couple, his hand to his mouth, and goes doivn L.) He's 
bitten me ! 

{The wo?nen scream. Martha appears c, ivrapped in a 
long coat.) 



THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN 43 

Martha {coining down c. ). For the love of Mike, what's 
the matter ? 

{There is silence in an instant. Percival and Audrey 
collapse 071 the floor and look rather ashamed.) 

Henry. This fellow 



Dorothy {down r., stepping forward), Martha, have 
you ever seen this young man before? 

Martha {looking at Henry). No, I ain't. Who is he? 

Dorothy. Did you see the professor of hypnotism at the 
circus ? 

Martha. Sure I did. A handsome feller he was, with 
black hair and whiskers. 

Mrs. M. (/// c). Whiskers! Oh!. 

Dorothy. Then this isn't the professor? 

Martha. Him? I should say not. Didn't I tell you 
the professor was a real handsome feller ? 

Percival {sitting up). That will do, Martha, you may 

go- 

Martha. Yes, sir. {She starts to go, then pattses, 

glancing around the room.) Is it a play you're all practic- 
ing, sir ? 

Percival. Exactly. You may go. 

Martha. Yes, sir. 

{Exit, c.) 

Mrs. M. And to think I never saw the professor after 
all ! It only shows what the country does to one's nerves.. 
I shall write to Wilbur to come at once. 

( Goes to desk and begins to write. ) 

Mrs. C. {to Audrey). Get off that floor this instant ! 
Audrey {scrambling to her feet). Yes, mother. 

{She goes up c.) 

Henry. I say, don't be hard on her. She's a jolly little 
soul. She was trying to get even with me for a fresh remark 
I made to her. 

{He goes up c. to Mrs. C. and Audrey. They talk.) 

Florence {running to Percival, doivn R.). Oh, Percy, 
how could you frighten me like that ? 



44 THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN 

Percival. My darling, can you ever forgive me ? 
Florence. Yes, now that I know there is no Fanny 
Brown. Was it all a joke of Dorothy's? 
Percival. Well, mostly. 

(Billy, down r. has bee?i stajidhtg sheepishly near Dorothy, 
ivho is trying to be severe, but keeping her countenance with 
difficulty.) 

Dorothy. And now, what have you got to say for your- 
self? 

Billy. Well, I had to expose the kid somehow. How 
did you find out about Fanny Brown ? 

Dorothy {a little asha?ned). I overheard your talk with 
Mr. Gale. I — I didn't mean to listen, but I — I couldn't 
help it. It was horrid of you, Billy. 

Billy (remorsefully'). Beastly. I did it because I was 
afraid it was the only way I stood any chance with you. 

Dorothy {softly). Was I as bad a flirt as all that ? 

Billy. Awful 1 You've no idea. 

Dorothy. Then I think you did just exactly right. 

Billy. Dorothy I 

{They embrace.) 



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